Dirty, Filthy, Nasty, Jokes

Dirty, Filthy, Nasty, Jokes

Posted On: June 29, 2009
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Comments: 7 Responses

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Joke #1

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

“Yeah teach?” he replies.

“If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?” asks the teacher.

Matt answers “Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off.”

“No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you’re thinking.” the teacher responds.

“Well, teach, I’ve got a question for you… There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?”

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, “Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that’s sucking on the ice cream.”

Matt replies “No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking!”

Joke #2

Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn’t afford it so they had all of them on the same day. They also couldn’t afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies. That night the mother got up because she couldn’t sleep.

When she went past her oldest daughter’s room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter’s room and she couldn’t hear anything.

The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, “Why were you screaming last night?” The daughter replied “Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream.”

“That’s true.” She looked at her second daughter. “Why were you laughing so much last night?”

The daughter replied “Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh.”

“That’s also true.” Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter. “Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”

The youngest daughter replied “Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full.”

Joke #3

A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. “Mom”, the boy asks, “What’s a pussy?”

The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says “Son, that is a pussy.” the son then asks “What’s a bitch?” The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says “Son, this is a bitch.”

The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says “Dad, what’s a pussy?” The father doesn’t want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says “Son, this is a pussy!”

The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks “Then, what is a bitch?”

The dad replies, “That’s everything outside the circle!”

Those have been your dirty, late night, filthy jokes.